Fascination
by SamanthaKathy
Summary: Neal is fascinated with Elizabeth's pregnancy. Gen. Asexual!Neal.


**Author's note: originally published 19 August 2011 on AO3. Asexual!Neal. A great big thank you to Kate for beta reading!**

WWWWWWWWW

Sex was not something Neal particularly enjoyed. Of course he had sex, occasionally. Sex could be very useful, after all. It could get him information, or access, or a convenient alibi – although he'd always been amused when people assumed that if they went to sleep he'd stayed throughout the night, just because he was there in the morning. Sex, or preludes to it, could serve many purposes and Neal thought he'd catalogued them all. But he'd missed one, a vital one, merely because he'd never expected it to apply to him. Sex was used to create babies.

The first sign something was different in the Burke household actually came from Peter. It surprised Neal; he would have expected Elizabeth to be the one to show all the signs. But no, it had been Peter, with his ridiculous smile and his strutting around like a peacock that clued Neal in. Peter finally broke down, after some subtle nudging from Neal, and told him that Elizabeth was pregnant. Neal had congratulated him, of course he had, he was happy for Peter and Elizabeth. But other than that, it didn't really concern him. He wasn't the one having the baby, after all.

So it came as a great surprise to find that as soon as Elizabeth started showing, just a tiny bump somewhere in the beginning of the fourth month, that Neal couldn't take his eyes off her. He was utterly fascinated with her changing body. It seemed like a miracle, all this change, just because there was a tiny human being growing inside of her. Neal had read up on the process, knew what to expect, but that didn't stop his fascination. Even Moz had remarked upon it.

Neal knew he was in trouble when he felt utterly devastated the one occasion Elizabeth told him she could feel the baby move inside of her, just butterfly movements. He'd wanted to feel it, but Elizabeth had shook her head and said it couldn't be felt on the outside yet. He'd felt crushed, worse than when Kate had left him. Oh yes, Neal knew he was in deep, deep trouble here.

He started to spend more and more time over at Peter's, grabbing any excuse to be there. Elizabeth's tiny bump increased in size and she could no longer hide her pregnancy by wearing loose clothing. Her morning sickness had stopped and she was glowing with happiness. Neal was positively giddy when Elizabeth grabbed his hand and pulled it to her stomach, just in time for him to feel the baby kick.

From that moment, Neal couldn't keep his hands away from Elizabeth's stomach. She was faintly amused each time he placed his hands on it, when he sat close by, when he passed her, whenever he could get away with it. Peter just watched him, with darkening eyes. Neal knew he had to stop, needed to stop touching, before Peter kicked him out and Neal couldn't see Elizabeth at all anymore, how her body was changing. But he couldn't.

And then it was too late. Once again, Neal had entered the house only to go straight to Elizabeth's side, now seven months pregnant, and touched her. But this time, Peter didn't stay silent, didn't just glare at him from across the room. Instead, Peter asked Neal to follow him with a strangled voice. Full of trepidation, Neal followed him out into the garden. Once there, Peter turned towards him.

"What the hell is going on with you?" he asked.

Neal heard all the things Peter didn't say. From the paranoid 'is the baby yours, is that why you're so invested in this pregnancy?' to the more reasonable 'why are you pawing my pregnant wife every opportunity you get?' He knew there was only one opportunity for him to explain and only the truth would do.

"I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong," Neal said.

He wanted to reassure Peter, make him understand that Neal was no in way trying to replace Peter. But he couldn't just come out and say what it was really about, mainly because he had no idea how to explain it without sounding like an idiot. however, before he could think of the right words to say, he just blurted out: "I don't like sex."

Okay, not exactly what he'd meant to say. Peter looked highly surprised, but the dark look of anger had left at least, which was the whole point of this conversation in the first place. Now to make sure it stayed gone.

"I never have. I do it, sometimes, if it has a purpose."

Neal could see the question popping into Peter's head and knew the exact moment Peter decided it was probably better – for his sanity and Neal's freedom – not to ask what purpose.

"I never considered babies, I mean, I was never going to have one, so I just didn't think of it. But now Elizabeth's pregnant, and I just…"

This was harder than it seemed. Neal knew how he felt, but putting it into words was not easy. He knew his way around words, had a countless number of them, usually he knew exactly what to say to people, knew what they wanted to hear. But now he felt at a loss, not knowing the words that would accurately explain what he felt without insulting Elizabeth or making Peter mad.

"You realized you want a baby?" Peter said, trying to help him out.

He looked at Neal with sympathy and understanding on his face, at least, until Neal shook his head. Then the understanding disappeared, only to be replaced by confusion. Once more, Neal tried to express himself in words.

"No, no, I don't want children. But, it's just, Elizabeth's pregnant."

And really, that's where he kept getting stuck. How in the world could he explain this? Yet he had to, was desperate to explain it. He didn't want Peter to hate him, didn't want Peter to cut off his access to Elizabeth, didn't want Peter, or Elizabeth, angry at him for wanting to be here, all the time, watching, touching. He had to try to explain, to make Peter understand.

"Peter, she's pregnant, and she's changing, her body's changing. All because of a baby, growing inside of her, and it's…"

Once again, he got stuck. It was so many things, yet no word came near to explaining how he felt when he looked at Elizabeth.

"It's a miracle," Peter said.

His voice was warm and understanding, and it cut through Neal's panic as easy as a hot knife through butter. And when Neal looked at Peter, he saw that yes, Peter did understand. Even without the words, Peter understood. All the tension in his body was released with that realization and Neal felt light-headed with relief. Peter grabbed him by the arm and steered him back inside.

"You want to be there for the delivery?" he asked. "We can ask El, if you want."

God, yes, Neal thought. But he couldn't voice the thought, he was afraid what kind of things would come out of his mouth if he tried to open it right now. So he just nodded enthusiastically. And then they were back in the living room, where Elizabeth was still sitting on the couch, watching TV. Peter steered Neal over there and deposited him next to her, and his hand immediately sought out the swell of her stomach. Peter just chuckled and for the first time since Elizabeth had started showing, Neal felt perfectly content. Underneath his hand, the baby kicked.


End file.
